She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
