Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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