dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There's always time for handjobs
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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