pop tarts are not kleenex
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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