Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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