I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
