You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
