I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
