And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
