It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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