one word: firstdatebathroomanal
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
3pm strippers are depressing
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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