he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
