i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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