Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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