you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
