I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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