I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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