we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
