Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I skipped work to stalk him.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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