I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
