I think I won the penis lottery.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You have to summon your inner elephant
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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