As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
