she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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