I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
