i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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