look no pants
Pants 0. Shit 1.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
