That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
