I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
