mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
