There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
