I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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