I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
