Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he puts the penis in happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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