Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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