Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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