Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You took a bar mat shot.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
