I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
