I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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