apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
