Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
