Already got asked if we're dating
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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