do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
