I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
