we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i out mim tonsoeep
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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