she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
