Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
