Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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