never play flip cup with pint glasses
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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