Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
