I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
