If i come over, it means nothing
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
