I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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