i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
