if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
