and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
