I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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