He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
