No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
