If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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