LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
