You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
