Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
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I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
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I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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