btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
