I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize