My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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