Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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