The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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