My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
