Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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