I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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