I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
do herpes really smell.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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