Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
