you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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