Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Two words: blizzard sex
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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